Best Poker Night Food

The fifth article in our How to Host the Perfect Poker Home Game is a special one as Christopher Null of Drinkhacker.com fame has provided a fantastic selection of potential adult beverages to serve at your next poker game.

If you like this piece, be sure to head over to Drinkhacker.com where you’ll find a plethora of recipes, reviews and all-around knowledge for the discriminating drinker.

By Christopher Null

You’ve got the cards, chips, and table all set – now what? You can toss a case of Busch tallboys in an Igloo, or you can put a little thought into what you drink.

Find quick & easy Poker Game Night 2020 recipes & menu ideas, search thousands of recipes & discover cooking tips from the ultimate food resource for home cooks, Epicurious. Some of the popular foods served for poker nights are chips, peanuts, pretzels, and pizzas. Other hosts serve heavy snacks such as sandwiches and tacos. It is very important to plan your food accordingly because most poker night gatherings are attended by men.

Take it from me: A bad beat goes down much easier if you chase it with a shot of high-grade Bourbon.

Here are three suggestions on what to serve your crew, depending on the stakes of your game.

What to Serve at Your Poker Home Game

Blue Collar

When beer is on the menu, Busch or Bud will work well enough, but even the most casual of players are likely to appreciate a little extra thoughts. Check out Guinness Black Lager – a new brand from Guinness that is black as coffee but drinks like a traditional lager. $8.50 per six-pack.

Casual

One of the best values in the spirits world today is Bourbon and other U.S. whiskeys, and you can find an awful lot of great American whiskeys on the market without having to spend a whole lot of money. Try Evan Williams Single Barrel 2002 or Big Bottom Port Cask Finished Whiskey, both of which are available for $30 a bottle or less. Of course, if you’re ever worried the bottles will offend, you can always pour the whiskey into a crystal decanter and tell everyone it’s Pappy Van Winkle.

High Stakes

It’s not cheating to get your opponents stinking drunk before the game ever starts, and the best way to do that is by serving a delicious, high-end cocktail that goes down easy (but is manly enough to invite continued consumption). This original cocktail drinks like a martini but adds a touch of sweetness so your victims, er, guests, never know what hit them. You can make these bad boys a pitcher at a time (just multiply all proportions by 8) so you can have refills at the ready:

Drinkhacker’s Big Blind Cocktail

1 oz vodka
1 oz gin
¼ oz dry vermouth
¼ oz St. Germain elderflower liqueur
2 dashes orange bitters

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

More articles on How to Host the Perfect Poker Home Game:

• Part 5: What to Drink

Additional Home Game Tools:

Is there a better way to lose money than sitting around drinking beers and playing poker with your boys on a Saturday night?

Of course, we’d all like to take home the pot at the end of the night – who doesn’t want an extra $200-$300 padding the wallet, but the concept of having a poker night itself is enough of a distraction from the monotonous day-to-day life that it makes any financial loss seem worthwhile.

In other words, poker can be one of a few motivating factors that get you up in the morning and get you to sludge through that mind-numbing routine people call a work week – and that’s when you lose.

But if you’re fortunate enough to win, poker night becomes better than New Year’s Eve or whatever “fun” holiday you can think of. (Seriously, who needs to be squished in a compact room with a bunch of drunkards you don’t know counting down from 10 to 1? Excuse my bluntness, but I’ll take the money and run every damn time.)

Aside from winning or losing, guys like poker nights because they are calm. There’s no obscene behavior from random people you don’t know; there’s no wild and uncontrolled screaming; there’s nobody ordering you to do something you don’t want to do; and there’s certainly no bad music being played in the background.

That’s what happens when 5-6 guys – or more depending if you’re doing multiple tables – who share similar interests and respect one another gather around a table to play poker.

It’s the bro version of a Thanksgiving dinner – everyone is cooperative and polite as long as everyone gets a plate and a place at the table.

Well, cooperative until there’s a dispute about the rules of the game – a staple of any poker night. That’s why it’s important that who’s ever hosting to create a set of house rules and print out whatever stuff can be found online that is valuable information. This hopefully will negate most arguments and conflicts – although as the night moves on and alcohol continues to be consumed, you can never truly predict how guys will behave.

With all that said, here are some of the essentials for having a poker night with your boys:

Alcohol (preferably top shelf liquor)

Going off that earlier point that poker night can serve as a quasi climax, or high point, of the week: there needs to be some respectable liquor brought and served. I’m talking Red Label or Jameson, at the very least. I didn’t work my ass off all week long to spend my three hours of complete freedom sipping on $10 vodka or gin – or worse, Busch Light.

If you’re going to do beer, I feel like cans are unacceptable. This isn’t a frat party – there’s no pong table being wheeled out once you’re eliminated. That means you need to have something that’s strong and tastes good to numb your sorrows.

Chewing Tobacco

I’m a big time believer that once you sit down, you shouldn’t get up (unless you have to piss). That means no group cigarette breaks – they ruin the pacing of the game and isolate non smokers. The happy medium is an endless supply of chewing tobacco. That way everyone who wants to get their fix can whenever they want without having to pause the game.

Plus, doesn’t it just feel like a badass move to say “I’ll re-raise ya” and then spit into a can. I feel like that’s always one of the best moments of any poker night.

Cigars

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I swear we’ll get to some actual poker essentials soon enough – like the materials you need to play the game, but for now we’re trying to set the perfect mood.

Cigars go a long way in a poker night because they burn forever and they can be a topic of conversation within themselves in case the well of discussion runs dry.

Furthermore, they’re another good thing to have to keep players asses in their seats and not itching to go smoke a cigarette. Seriously, I hate when a game breaks for 15-20 minutes or when an individual player takes to automatically folding 3-4 hands.

True, this isn’t the World Series of Poker, but come on. Let’s have some discipline here boys.

Poker Case

This needs to have at least four different colored chips, a dealer chip and two fresh decks of cards. If any of these items are missing, so is the integrity of your poker night.

Seriously, if you’re so cheap that you can’t fork out $40-50 to buy one of these cases, then I question your manhood.

It’s a solid investment no matter how you look at it. It’s reusable, it makes others happy and it’s an essential part of playing a game that makes you relax and feel good.

Literally a win-win-win type of situation. You can’t go wrong.

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Note: having a second case if you have multiple tables is a good idea. Inspecting the decks doesn’t hurt too. It sounds snobby but you are playing for cash here.

Boxed or Bagged Food

Some guys might here poker night and say fire up the grill. Wrong. You don’t cook meat for the dudes when they come over for poker, that’s what football Sunday’s are for.

For poker, you should order in a few pizzas or go shopping and get a bunch of chips and salsa. Anything more and you’re grossly overthinking it.

Like anything else, adding food can be a distraction to the night – don’t let it be.

Best Poker Night Food

Background Movie

I know I mentioned music somewhere up above in the introduction, but it has no place at a poker game. First, it’s distracting. Second, it’s loud regardless of where the speakers are in the room. And third, it creates more unnecessary arguments amongst players.

How can you avoid all of this you might wonder? DON’T PLAY MUSIC AT YOUR POKER NIGHT. It’s really that simple.

If one of your players wants it, tell him to go to the club.

Put on a sporting event and let that be your background noise if you deem having background noise a necessity (I don’t). If sports isn’t an option, throw on a background movie.

Any Martin Scorcese film should do just fine – Goodfellas, Casino, The Departed and, most recently added, The Wolf Of Wall Street. All of these movies are about greed in some form or another and they teeter on being three hours long. In other words, they are meant to be played during a poker game at a low volume.

I don’t know about you but after I lose, there’s nothing more consoling than seeing DeNiro and Pesci go at it or Leo, Damon, Jack and Wahlberg. I love that shit.

Money

Well, that’s why everyone comes to play in the first place, right? You can’t have a legit poker game with IOUs and crap like that. Everyone needs to bring cash and put it on the table before the cards are dealt. Otherwise you’d be better off playing Monopoly.

An empty house (or apartment)

More essential than money; the poker chips, the decks of cards and Martin Scorcese is the serenity of an open house or apartment.

If your spouse or roommate is going to be there the whole time, you mine as well cancel for another weekend. There’s no reason to have the guys over for poker if you’re not going to have absolute freedom from everyday life.

Remember, poker night is like a vacation where you don’t have to go anywhere. Anything less and you’re not doing it right.